Regress.
Close it off all over again.
Never did you any good in the first place.
Find a hobby.
Get more optomistic.
Use this blog less.
Stop complaining.
Gain some confidence.
Fuck the police.
I’ve used this blog 53 times.
i can’t say i’m proud about that.
Pre-note: Sorry to anyone on tumblr at this time who has to read my shit. I hope I don’t ruin your good mood.
Happy new year, self.
Here:
Have an ear infection
Have some bad motherly advice on how to treat the ear infection which actually makes it worse and more painful.
Have a fever
Have your high blood pressure back
Have some diziness
Have some nausea
Have some waste of time and failure
Have your suicidal thoughts back
That’s it.
Happy new year to you.
I hope you enjoy all the pain you have received again.
(Why is it that the first new year’s eve and new year’s always sucks?)
i guess this marks the end of my temporary freedom
the pain is all coming back now.
I can’t take this anymore
What can’t I take? I don’t know. What am I referring to? I don’t fucking know.
I just
can’t
do this anymore.
I can’t.
and I don’t know why.
Every fucking thing spawning some suicidal thought
get the fuck away
nothing was going badly so where the hell did you come from?
Get
the
fuck
away
stop telling me to kill myself
stop
stop
stop
Someone
kill me
please
kill me
please please please
please
please
please
please
i don’t want to live anymore.
I want to disappear.
How dare you.
I’m being serious here about throwing my life away.
and you make jokes?
jokes that wouldnt even be funny if i weren’t feeling like this?
I thought I could rely on you.
But who the hell can I rely on anyways
I’m not looking for a “I can totally relate”
Don’t give me that shit.
You don’t linger in the middle of the road hoping some blind driver would come by
You don’t struggle with yourself everytime you see some form of a weapon.
You don’t have suicidal thoughts randomly procuring themselves in your mind.
Don’t fucking tell me that you can relate.
Don’t fucking joke with me.
I could have slept at 12 am today.
I so could have.
If only the godam fucking computer and godam fucking sony vegas didnt decide to die.
Stupid fucking sony vegas and its inability to support .mov files.
Making me download the new quicktime update.
Stupid quicktime update bug that makes the video part of the video disappear.
Spent 1 hour and 30 minutes trying to fix that shit.
Ended up having to convert all my files from .mov to .wmv. that took 3 fucking hours and a hell of a lot of memory.
so that was my first day of work.
Today Sony Vegas kept fucking crashing on me every fucking second.
The only thing it was good for was opening.
I couldn’t edit shit.
The moment I clicked on the timeline, or anywhere on the screen for that matter, sv would just decide to go and die on me.
So after 2 hours of frustration, I decided to try and use SV 11 instead of 8.
Well that actually worked. Yay.
So I finished editting everything and now its 3:44 in the morning.
But guess what.
I can’t fucking. render. the video.
What the hell is going on.
How the hell am I supposed to turn in a project in 4 hours if I cant fucking render it?
It takes 2 hours on its own to render.. then another 2 to fucking upload onto youtube.
So what the hell am I supposed to do?!
What am I doing here?!
I really just feel like jumping off a cliff.
Not only is this project a huge part of MY grade… how well I do on this film editting shit is a huge part of 3 other people’s grades too.
And I promised them I’d get it done.
SO
YOU
FUCKING
GODAM COMPUTER
and FUCKING SONY VEGAS.
JUST
GODAM WORK ALREADY.
Screw sleep.
I dont need you.
I just need this computer to fucking work.
My birthday wish to the divine entity that may or may not exist:
Replace me with an African starving child.
He/she would be able to appreciate this life of mine more.
This life which I so willingly wish to throw away.
